Throughout our lives we come up with many names for ourselves. In a normal mind most of the time these words are positive but in a mind of a Bipolar or Borderline Personality 90% of the time it is a negative slur.
We do not go out of our way to be negative it is how our mind works and when things get tough this is how we see ourselves, even when others may say differently.
As a child as far back as I can remember negative thoughts always had seemed to creep up into my daily thoughts with school work, friends even family. I thought even back then so many things about myself were negative and did not know any different and most likely even thought back then this was normal.
While we are growing into our adult bodies there are so many changes as it is but when you add a mental illness into the mix and also not knowing you have this disability things are so difficult.
Hormones are making us crazy also and our mind just racing out of control and all the time we feel all of this is just our fault.
Negative thoughts are one of the hardest things to overcome and it can take many years to find the best ways to cope as individuals.
No one likes to feel bad about themselves or ashamed so much that we do not want to ever leave the house. We try to wake up each day and be positive but some days it is just not up to us. Our mental illness seems to just take our mind and body and do with it as it pleases. So many people think and will actual say, "why cant you just get up and be happy?" "why cant you just get dressed and do something for yourself?" These negative comments by others do not do anyone any good and most people will not see them as a negative comment, they will see it as trying to motivate us but in fact they just do the opposite.
In our lives of being Bipolar we need to learn to cope daily with simple ideals. Complicating our emotions will do no one any good. We as individuals must find the best way to be more positive and that is so hard! I can honestly say this is one of the toughest things I deal with each and every day.
I am hard on myself about my body image, health issues, friends and the lack there of them, and so many other issues. These are the thoughts that will race in my head each day. Negative thoughts on why I am the way I am, why I do not have a lot of close family and friends. How could I have pushed so many away and really never wanted to do so...
Our own thoughts are our worst enemy, we hurt ourselves and this is the last thing any of us want..
Determining if our lives will be happier is an outlook we search each day.
I want to say over the years this will subside and the negative thoughts with hard work will not be there but sadly that is not a fact with Bipolar, BPD or some other mental illnesses.
What I can say with hard work, positive re-enforcement of family and friends we can learn to deal and turn those negative thoughts and patterns around at least one day at a time.
Just fight, find great coping skills, take each day as simple as you can and we will make it!
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